


Little Talks Big Truths

by phenomenology



Series: Kanera Week [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: F/M, Kanera Week, Truth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 17:07:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6248377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phenomenology/pseuds/phenomenology
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kanera Week Day One: prompt - truth<br/>Before the rest of the crew was even a thought, there was Kanan, there was Hera, and there were a million things that hadn't been said.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Little Talks Big Truths

It was bound to happen eventually, but neither of them wanted to actually initiate the conversation. How does one begin a conversation about themselves – about their past – with someone? Even if you claim to know them, there’s an initial fear, a “what if”, of losing them afterward.

Kanan hadn’t really intended to begin their conversation in the middle of the night, but it had been hard to avoid the situation. Hera hadn’t exactly been sleeping very much – not at all really – for the past few days. And Kanan was starting to worry for her and her ability to pilot the Ghost. That, and he really did _not_ feel like dying because his pilot fell asleep at the controls.

The door to the cockpit slid open with a hiss, alerting Hera to his presence. She glanced over her shoulder at him before returning her attention to the datapad in her lap. The screen emitted a soft blue glow, casting shadows onto Hera’s sleepy expression. She was in the middle of scanning the information displayed there when Kanan leaned against the back of her seat. He peered over the headrest at her, smiling softly as she continued to read.

“Is that more information from your contact?” Kanan asked. He and Hera had been flying together for nearly half a year now. Ever since she picked Kanan up – okay more like Kanan refused to leave Hera – back on Gorse and Cynda, they had been traversing the galaxy together. Kanan followed Hera’s lead without much question. But recently, she had been in contact with some mysterious informant who seemed very well versed on the happenings in the galaxy and the Imperial Senate.

Hera nodded in response to Kanan’s question, not bothering to even make a noise of acknowledgement. She scrolled to another page of data and resumed reading. Kanan couldn’t see her face from behind the chair, but he guessed she looked exhausted. Of course, Hera would deny that statement vehemently.

“Hera,” Kanan sighed, walking around to the side of her chair. He plucked the datapad from her grip, switched it off and set it aside. Hera turned towards Kanan with a noise of protest and indignation. Her hands chased after his for a moment before she gave up. A yawn interrupted her and she stretched lightly with the gesture.

“You need to sleep,” Kanan insisted gently. “You’ll be no good to anyone if you pass out at the controls. Besides, if you don’t give Chopper something to do soon, he may start tearing the ship apart just to keep busy.”

His attempt at a joke only received a mildly concerned grunt. The exhausted Twi’lek did not seem to find her ship being torn apart by a rampaging droid all that concerning.

That’s how Kanan knew Hera was _seriously_ exhausted.

“Okay,” Kanan grunted, pushing Hera’s chair around so he could grab her arms. “Come on, Captain. I’m putting you in bed.” Hera made a noise of surprise when Kanan all but lifted her out of the pilot’s chair. Chopper came rolling into the cockpit after Kanan got Hera to her feet, warbling about something Kanan didn’t bother paying attention to.

“Chopper, you’ve got the controls. I’m putting Hera to bed.”

Chopper beeped and clicked suggestively, drawing an irate noise from Kanan. “Shut up, you menace. Just try not to destroy the ship.”

Kanan left the cockpit, steering Hera by the shoulders, as the door slid shut on Chopper’s annoyed beeping. Huffing with annoyance at the droid, Kanan walked Hera down the corridor in the direction of her cabin.

“Kanan, I can get there myself,” Hera finally mumbled, trying to duck out from under his guidance. Releasing her shoulders, Kanan fell into step beside Hera, glancing sideways at her.   


“I know that. I just don’t trust you to actually make it there,” Kanan poked back at her. The comment earned him a quick glare, but he held his hands up in defense. “Hey, I’m just being honest. You look like death warmed over; and I should know. When was the last time you actually got more than three hours of sleep?”

Hera stared at the floor as they walked, her brow furrowed. Kanan couldn’t tell if the glare meant she was trying to figure out when she had actually slept last, or if she was just annoyed that he had a point. It was either that, or she had suddenly developed a grudge against the durasteel flooring.

Taking her silence as an answer, Kanan nodded his head curtly and looked ahead. “Exactly my point. I know you want to help as many people as you can, Hera,” Kanan continued, his tone more sympathetic. “But if you don’t take care of yourself first, then you won’t be much good to anyone.”

He watched as the Twi’lek pursed her lips together in what was probably resigned annoyance. Kanan knew she saw his point; that did not mean, however, that she liked it. Hera wanted to keep piloting until she was physically incapable of doing so. And even then, she might continue to try.

As they arrived at Hera’s door, she keyed in a short code to the panel beside the entrance. Her room was the only one on the whole ship that had an access code, which Kanan understood, but was mildly jealous of.

“Well, I suppose this is where I trust you enough to actually sleep,” Kanan remarked, gesturing to Hera as she stood in her doorway. But she just stood there, staring into the dim room and not making any sort of move to enter.

“Uh, Hera?” Kanan asked cautiously, still trying to retain somewhat of a lighthearted tone. “This is the part where you go inside and then get in bed.” There was a part of Kanan that was going off with alarms; little pokes and nudges from the Force that something was off. He was still getting used to the signals the Force provided him. After years of repressing his connection, it was kind of like having a second voice inside of his head.

“Hera?” Kanan asked again, all mockery dropped from his voice. Stepping up beside her, Kanan placed a hand on her elbow, trying to draw her attention to him. Her stoic expression and tense body language was starting to worry him immensely. “Is everything alright?”

She remained quiet for another few moments before turning to face Kanan. There was concern etched into every line of his face, his features drawn and shadowed as he searched Hera’s expression. Her face was taught, somewhere between holding a blank expression, and a terrified one.

Lifting her hand, Hera’s elbow slipped from Kanan’s hold. Her hand came to rest on Kanan’s chest, her fist immediately clutching a fistful of fabric. Kanan stared down at Hera in surprised confusion. “What-?” Kanan started to ask.

“Please stay with me?” she said quietly. It was phrased like a question, but sounded more like a frightened plea to Kanan’s ears. He had no idea where this was coming from. He had never seen Hera act like this in the months they had flown together.

And he had no idea how to react.

“I-“ Kanan cleared his throat and tried again. “But-uhm…I just-“ Kanan broke off his stuttering and took a deep breath. “Are you sure?” he finally managed to ask.

Hera nodded and gave Kanan’s shirt a little tug. “Please I-“ It was Hera’s turn to stutter and falter. “I can’t be alone tonight. Please just…sit with me.” Her voice was soft, pleading and not at all like anything Kanan had ever heard from her. She was always strong, commanding, or teasing. He had never heard Hera sound this _frightened_.

“Of course,” Kanan answered, his tone just as soft as Hera’s. The relief that flowed through Hera’s signature, melted into her expression, was enough to let Kanan know he made the right choice. There was something haunting Hera, and Kanan knew from experience that being alone was probably the last thing she needed, or wanted. So he followed her into the little cabin.

This was the first time Kanan had ever been permitted into Hera’s room. He wasn’t exactly sure what he had been expecting, but it was not this.

The cabin was very plain in décor and was built in much the same way his was. There were a few tools scattered across the small table and strewn about the floor. The walls were bare and the lights were dim to the point of nearly being off. Kanan turned his attention to Hera as she stood beside her bunk. She removed her boots and gloves, setting them aside reverently. Kanan had never seen Hera without her gloves off before, and for some reason, he hadn’t expected her hands to look so _delicate._

She sat down on the bunk with a heavy sigh, the breath and energy seeming to leave Hera all at once. Kanan could sense how exhausted she was, the waves coming off of her far too reminiscent of his own experiences. So, as he crossed the cabin to her side, Kanan wondered why she was being so resistant to the call of sleep. It was bound to be easily attainable in Hera’s condition.

Gesturing to the space on the bunk beside her, Kanan asked, “May I?” Hera looked up at him with a detached expression before nodding. She was not doing a very good job of easing Kanan’s nerves.

As he slid onto the bunk beside Hera, Kanan couldn’t help but glance over at her again. Her lekku were draped limply down her back, giving her an almost deflated look. Kanan turned his body and sat facing Hera.

“Is there something wrong, Hera?” Kanan asked, his tone quiet and serious. “Something that maybe you aren’t telling me?”

Hera remained silent for a few moments, opting to stare at the floor instead of meeting Kanan’s eye. Her hands, even in her tired state, were active. Her fingers picked at each other, wrists twisting from side to side as she did. Kanan had noticed the nervous tick about a month ago. He thought it was interesting, considering that whenever she had the controls, her hands were incredibly steady.

She finally looked up, but not at him. Her bright green eyes latched onto the wall opposite where they were seated on her bunk. Kanan finally couldn’t stand seeing her like this, so he adjusted himself, facing the same direction she was. He looked down at his hands and sighed. He wanted to say something, but he had no idea what.

Beside Kanan, Hera took in a shuddering breath before she finally spoke up. Not knowing if he should look at her or not, Kanan continued to stare at his hands.

“I don’t talk about this a lot – at all really – but I really need some company tonight.” Her voice was soft, fragile almost, and it drew Kanan’s eyes to her face despite his uncertainties. Hera’s lips were pressed firmly together, the skin around her eyes creased in distress.

“When I was ten years old, my mother died,” Hera began, voice unsteady. “Well, died isn’t really the right word…she was killed. The Separatists were attacking my home world of Ryloth during the Clone War. My father was a rebel leader, and when he was away one day, aiding another village under siege, my village was attacked, and my mother was…”

Hera’s voice faltered for a moment and she dropped her head into her hands, unable to speak for a moment. Kanan, unsure of what else to do, reached out and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” he said gently. Kanan, of all people, knew how hard it was to think, let alone talk, about the brutalities of one’s past. Hera shook her head, determined to continue, but she didn’t shrug Kanan’s hand off.

“No I – it’s okay. My mother tried to protect my sister and I from the droids. They broke into our house, and she hid us away. By the time all the screaming in the village stopped, it was getting dark out, and she hadn’t come back for us. I-I was impatient, and I went out and found her. They had just… _left_ her in the middle of the floor.” Hera shook her head angrily, eyes squeezing shut as she did.

Kanan could feel the fury and pain rolling off of her, clouding the usual warmth around Hera’s signature. He gave her shoulder a squeeze, trying to remind her that he was still here. It seemed to help because she took a deep breath, the emotions around her calming slightly.

“My father, when he found out, was heartbroken. His sole purpose became liberating Ryloth, and it was all that mattered to him. Family just seemed to fall by the wayside for him.”

Kanan understood, losing someone that close to you, was not easy. And Hera had been young; younger than Kanan had been when he had lost his Master.

“But why is this affecting you now? Is there a reason why today is-” Kanan stopped short, realizing how stupid of a question that was. “Oh,” he murmured. “It was today, wasn’t it?”

As Hera nodded, her resolve started to crumble. Her shoulders heaved with a muffled sob and she curled into herself. She drew her knees up and buried her face against them. Kanan left his hand on her shoulder and rubbed small circles against the material of her shirt with his thumb. Hera shook under his hand as she cried.

It was almost disorienting to see her like this, the emotions and pain of a small child who has lost their mother. Kanan tried to ignore the pulsing waves of distress that assaulted him through the Force, tried to find a way to comfort Hera. Eventually Kanan took a deep breath, the hand on Hera’s shoulder squeezing a little tighter.

“I-I lost my master in the Clone War. Our squadron of clone troopers…they betrayed us. They turned on us and she died trying to protect me as I ran. I was such a coward –” Kanan’s voice cracked and he hunched forward, covering his mouth with a hand. He could sense the tension in Hera, even though his hand was no longer on her shoulder. She didn’t know where this conversation was going anymore than Kanan did.

“I’m not trying to play a comparison game,” Kanan’s voice was quiet as he turned to look at her warily. “I’m just trying to let you know…I understand.”   


She seemed to study Kanan for a few moments, trying to decide whether or not she believed him – whether or not she trusted him. Kanan knew that there really wasn’t anything else he could say to convince her, so he simply sat and kept her company while he waited. Finally, after what felt like hours, she breathed out a heavy sigh and leaned back against the wall of her bunk.

“How do you do it?” she breathed out the question. “How do you handle the emotions?”

Kanan huffed out a bitter laugh as he joined her against the wall. “Honestly?” he glanced at her. “I’m probably not the best person to ask about this stuff. I never really had the best methods for handling this stuff. But in recent years, I’ve found it easy to forget when I have something else to think about.”

Hera leaned her head against the wall and closed her eyes. “And if that doesn’t work?”

“Then I guess we’ll just have to figure it out together.”

It wasn’t the answer that Hera had hoped he would give her, but he did give her the comfort of his presence. And they spent most of the night baring their pasts to each other before passing out in Hera’s bunk.


End file.
